Involving Healthy People

I have a problem with the gurus of the world, that is, the folks who reach a level of understanding that drives them to climb the nearest mountain and stay up there meditating for the rest of their lives. I am talking about the people who live healthy and enlightened lives, and remove themselves from those who are unhealthy. We live in a society that stresses the importance of "choosing the right people" to associate with. While I agree that we have to remove ourselves from negativity at times, I am frustrated and saddened when I see the lost souls who have exhausted all resources, and can't even get another human to talk with them for 5 minutes. All the gurus on all the mountains could be leaders, but they choose to quietly smile at the suffering world. While I admire this quality of non-attachment, and I have even strived to attain it at times, part of me still thinks we have to keep our feet in the world. Buddhists have, for example, the concept of the "bodhisattva," the person who can attain enlightenment, but will not enter nirvana by choice; he/she longs to teach others and help those who do not understand. The bodhisattva stays in the world to help others. To me, this is the ultimate in compassion. Christians also have a similar concept in "spreading the gospel." I'm sure all spiritual movements have some mention of the enlightened soul who is devoted to helping others after enlightenment. It makes sense, doesn't it? Who will teach if all the learners leave upon completion of their lessons?

Statistically speaking, if you take a random sample of 100 people in Canada, maybe 10 or 20 people will need a great deal of emotional support and resources (I'm really just guesssing here). Some of these people may have never been taught basic life skills. Maybe 10 or 20 of these people will be gifted, happy, blessed souls, and the rest are somewhere in between. It simply makes sense for the healthier folks to be supportive to the less fortunate. I think for the most part, really well-developed people help out the community... a lot of them volunteer, donate, and teach where they can. Yet there is an idea out there that nothing can be done about the suffering of humans, and that the wisest choice is an a-political, passive, and removed position on the more controversial parts of our society. Furthermore, many of the people who are "half-healthy" (if I can use this silly term) are either trying to "remove themselves from negativity," or do not believe that they are "ready" enough to help.

So you have a hundred people who are all separated from each other, when they could be digging in and connecting. On the street, people have learned to find counsellors and teachers within their own communities: one street person will emotionally support another. When I lived on the street, I saw all the roles of society carried out on a miniature level; there were "counsellors," and "preachers," "political activists," and "educators." Because the rest of society has exiled the street community, it makes do in whatever way it can. Unfortunately, the advice you receive is a little warped. "Counselling sessions" can be done over a bottle wine, and political activism might involve smashing the window of a government office(not incredibly effective). In many cases, it was just the blind leading the blind. There were a few genuine helpers who were not in crisis themselves, but they were so overwhelmed with the great need around them that they couldn't spend much time with their street clients.

We need the gurus to get off their yoga mats and befriend some struggling people, really. To me, it's part of the spiritual journey. We also need some of those average folks to admit that they are ready enough to help in some small way. Forget donating, go out and spend five minutes with somebody you would normal filter out of your life. We're all connected, so in a way, that's YOU sitting on the sidewalk needing help, and you are about to walk by and pretend you didn't see yourself.

Forgiving Yourself

The ironic thing is, when you have a history of causing harm to yourself or others, the negative judgments you throw on yourself only compound the problem. Somehow, we have to move beyond merely critizising past actions, and wipe the slate clean. Such is the human condition: though we think that punishing ourselves will help us "smarten up," the real path to change is to admit and accept our faults. You see in my posts that I have a forgiving approach to human mistakes. I think, for example, that it is quite normal to find certain homeless people annoying, even as a social worker. In fact, until you acknowledge that you find other's behaviour frustrating, you are simply lying to yourself, and perpetuating the cycle. A recent study showed that people lie on average 3 times in a ten minute conversation. Is that ok? I think it has to be ok, if you are planning on getting more honest. People who make bad life choices are ruthless to themselves. They have no problem describing their mistakes in great detail. Sometimes, even those who want to help them will assist them in this destructive self-debasement. I call it the "kid-at-the-back-of-the-class" syndrome: If you feel like the "bad one," you perpetuate that role, and you try to be the best "bad kid" you can be. Furthermore, the teacher expects little of you, and there appears to be no way out.

Of course, the healing begins when we realize that everybody has spent their time at the back of the class in one form or another. We can't erase the facts, but we can forgive ourselves. I am writing this because I am personally struggling with some things I want to change. I still have a lot of judgments about people I help, and my judgments are interfering with my effectiveness. I am being helpful, but I think I can do just a little bit more by giving myself a break about being judgmental. We do the best we can with what we have.

Derek

Mercy

A lot of people on the street have made some questionable choices. Sometimes I hear people saying that the homeless have been oppressed, come from bad families, and that they are discriminated against. The economy has been blamed, genetics have been blamed, and large corporations have been blamed. Even the organizations that help people have been blamed for enabling. These are all influences. While it is true that there is a relationship between poverty, child abuse and homelessness, it is also true that street people at some point choose to continue what they are doing. While a bad economy and large multinational corporations wreak havok on communities, we still make decisions to sit back or take action. I want to be very clear here, so you don't think I am saying homeless people "got themselves into their mess, and they can get themselves out," which would be wrong. Basically, we cannot on one hand say that we want to "empower" street people, while saying that "it's not their fault." If it is not their fault, it is also out of their control, which is a state of powerlessness. This is the opposite of the truth. The truth is, many street people are enticed to suffering by bad influences, and get caught up in suffering on such a level that they forget that they chose to be there. Others have been simply pummeled by circumstances that no human could possibly get out of without help. Mental illness comes to mind as an example where the external influence is extremely large, and choice is obviously limited. Compulsive spending is perhaps on the other end of the spectrum, where conscious choice seems to be the larger cause. Again, a sudden disaster like an earthquake or death in the family presents a situation where options are limited, while an addiction issue seems to be more about personal options. Each homeless person finds themself somewhere between these two extremes, and the internal and external forces feed each other in a negative spiral. A person loses a loved one, starts drinking, and gives up. After some time, medical issues prevent basic employment, and the person is "stuck." Choice and not-choice.

I would like to present an easy solution to homelessness, or a magic "cure," but in reality, each situation is a delicate balance of recognizing what the client can do for themself, and where support is clearly needed. Making large sweeping generalizations about the street population, and subsequent policies that apply to everyone is ineffective and plain silly. We need to constantly assess and reassess clients. For that matter, we have to assess ourselves, and realize our own intentions in a given situation. A good social worker is fluid and as flexible as a reed in the wind, bending where needed to match the client in recovery. Ask lots of questions, be curious, and for goodness sake, be compassionate. Even if the person that has made a massive amount of mistakes still deserves mercy, because we all mess things up from time to time.